Helping Kids Navigate Their Emotions After Divorce

Divorce can feel like being pulled into a riptide—adults struggling to keep their heads above water, while children, smaller and more vulnerable, are swept along in the current. In the midst of your own pain, it’s easy to forget that your kids are right there with you, trying to stay afloat in the same turbulent waters. While you’re managing your own feelings, your child is also dealing with a flood of emotions they may not understand or know how to express.

The good news is that you don’t have to fix everything for them. Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is help them recognize, understand, and express their emotions in healthy ways. Here are six ways to support your child as they navigate the emotional waves of divorce.

1. Make Space for Their Emotions

Why This Is Important:
Children need to know that their emotions are not wrong or something to be ashamed of. Validating their feelings helps them feel seen and heard, which builds trust and encourages emotional expression. Creating space for their emotions—whether it’s sadness, frustration, or confusion—helps prevent those feelings from being bottled up and turning into bigger issues later.

• Try something like this:
  1. “It’s okay to feel sad. You don’t have to hide it from me.”
  2. “I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready to talk about what’s on your mind.”
  3. “It sounds like you’re feeling upset about what happened today. Want to tell me more?”
• Try not to do this:
  1. “You’re overreacting. It’s not that big of a deal.”
  2. “There’s no reason to be upset about this.”
  3. “Stop crying and be strong.”
• Tips:
  1. Stay Present: Sometimes kids just need to sit with their feelings. Being physically present, even in silence, shows them you’re available when they’re ready to talk.
  2. Use Calm Cues: If they’re not ready to talk, offer comfort with a hug or a quiet activity together. Sometimes just being there is enough to help them feel safe.

2. Help Them Name Their Feelings

Why This Is Important:
Kids often don’t have the vocabulary to explain what they’re feeling, which can lead to frustration or acting out. Helping them put names to their emotions empowers them to communicate their needs better and reduces the chances of emotional overwhelm. When children can identify what they’re feeling, they can begin to manage those feelings in healthier ways.

• Try something like this:
  1. “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated. Is that what’s going on?”
  2. “I wonder if you’re feeling worried about the changes. That’s okay.”
  3. “It seems like you’re a little sad and maybe even a bit confused right now. Let’s talk about it.”
• Try not to do this:
  1. “Stop being so dramatic.”
  2. “Why are you acting like this?”
  3. “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
• Tips:
  1. Use Emotion Charts: Having an emotion chart with faces and labels can help younger kids match their feelings to words. Keep one in their room or a common area for easy access.
  2. Model Emotional Language: Use your own experiences to model identifying emotions. “I felt frustrated today when my plans didn’t work out. It helped me to take a deep breath and talk about it.”

3. Normalize Their Experience

Why This Is Important:
Children need reassurance that what they’re feeling is normal. Divorce can leave kids feeling isolated, like they’re the only ones going through such a big change. Letting them know that their feelings are common—and that other kids go through this too—helps alleviate some of their anxiety. Normalizing their emotions shows them that it’s okay to have big feelings and that they aren’t alone in their experiences.

• Try something like this:
  1. “Lots of kids feel the same way you do when their parents separate. It’s really hard.”
  2. “What you’re feeling is completely normal. It’s okay to be sad or confused right now.”
  3. “Other families have gone through this too, and they’ve found ways to feel better over time.”
• Try not to do this:
  1. “You’re fine—other kids have it worse.”
  2. “It’s not that bad, don’t make a big deal out of it.”
  3. “Why can’t you just move on already?”
• Tips:
  1. Share Stories: Read books or tell stories about kids who have gone through similar experiences. This helps children see that they aren’t alone and that things can get better.
  2. Join a Support Group: Consider signing up for a support group for children of divorced parents. Being around other kids who are going through the same thing can be incredibly reassuring.

4. Offer Stability and Predictability

Why This Is Important:
Divorce can leave kids feeling like everything in their world is shifting. Offering consistency and routine helps them feel more secure, even as other parts of their life change. Predictable schedules and clear expectations provide a sense of normalcy that can reduce anxiety and uncertainty. The more stable their environment, the safer they’ll feel emotionally.

• Try something like this:
  1. “We’ll always have dinner together on these nights, just like before.”
  2. “Your schedule might change a little, but you’ll always know ahead of time what’s happening.”
  3. “You’ll have time with both Mom and Dad, and that will always stay the same.”
• Try not to do this:
  1. “I don’t know when you’ll see your Dad again. You’ll have to wait and see.”
  2. “I’ll let you know when we figure it out, but don’t ask me again.”
  3. “It doesn’t really matter what happens—things change all the time.”
• Tips:
  1. Create a Visual Schedule: A visual calendar showing which days they’re with each parent can help reduce anxiety around transitions. Kids feel more in control when they know what’s coming next.
  2. Stick to Routines: Even if things change in your family, keep as many daily routines the same as possible—like mealtime, bedtime, and weekend traditions.

5. Encourage Physical Outlets for Emotions

Why This Is Important:
Emotions can build up as physical energy in kids, and if they don’t have healthy outlets, that energy can lead to emotional outbursts or behavioral issues. Encouraging them to move, play, or engage in creative activities allows them to release tension and express their emotions in ways that feel good for them. Physical outlets can reduce stress and help children regain emotional balance.

• Try something like this:
  1. “Let’s go for a bike ride and get some of that energy out.”
  2. “Would you like to draw or paint to show how you’re feeling?”
  3. “How about we go to the park and run around for a bit? Sometimes moving helps when we’re feeling big emotions.”
• Try not to do this:
  1. “Just calm down and stop acting out.”
  2. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
  3. “You don’t need to run around; just sit still and relax.”
• Tips:
  1. Offer Choices for Physical Activity: Let your child choose how they’d like to express their emotions. Whether it’s kicking a ball, doing a creative activity, or even dancing, giving them options helps them feel more in control.
  2. Encourage Mindful Movement: Teach your child simple breathing exercises or yoga stretches to help them calm down. Mindful movement can help them connect with their body and regulate emotions in a calming way.

6. Help Them Understand That Healing Takes Time

Why This Is Important:
It’s important to remind your child that emotional healing is a process and that it’s okay to have ups and downs. They may feel okay one day and upset the next—and both are completely normal. By reassuring them that healing takes time, you take the pressure off them to “move on” quickly, allowing them the space they need to work through their emotions at their own pace.

• Try something like this:
  1. “It’s okay to have hard days. We’ll get through them together.”
  2. “Healing takes time, and it’s okay if you feel better some days and not others.”
  3. “We’ll take things one day at a time. There’s no rush to feel better.”
• Try not to do this:
  1. “You should be over this by now.”
  2. “Just stop thinking about it and you’ll feel better.”
  3. “You’re fine—there’s nothing to be upset about anymore.”
• Tips:
  1. Allow for Emotional Ups and Downs: Let your child know it’s okay to have a mix of feelings. Some days might feel good, while others may feel tough—and both are normal.
  2. Encourage Creative Outlets: Let them express their feelings through art, journaling, or music. Creative activities can be a soothing way for kids to process emotions without feeling pressured to explain everything in words.

Helping your child navigate their emotions during a divorce isn’t about having all the answers or fixing their pain. It’s about being present, offering reassurance, and giving them the tools to express themselves. By making space for their feelings, helping them name their emotions, and normalizing their experiences, you create a safe environment where they can process the changes. Providing stability and encouraging physical and creative outlets further supports their emotional well-being as they learn to cope with the ups and downs.

Remember, healing takes time—both for you and for your child. By walking this journey with them, you’re showing them that it’s okay to feel what they feel and that they don’t have to go through it alone. In the end, the love and support you offer will be the foundation that helps them grow stronger through this difficult time.